This page will help you if you want to write to your kidney donor’s family.
It explains:
- who can write
- what you could say
- where to send your letter
- social media advice
Writing to your donor’s family
Your kidney transplant was only possible because of your kidney donor and their family’s support for organ donation.
Your transplant is the start of a new part of your life. As you get better, you can begin to enjoy life without dialysis. At the same time, your donor’s family are living with the loss of someone they love.
Many people worry about writing a letter. You may not know what to say. You may be worried about making your donor’s family upset.
These feelings are normal.
Many donor families tell us they are happy to receive a letter. It helps them to know that their loved one’s gift has made a real difference. It can bring them comfort to know that someone has a better life because of their loved one.
Writing a letter is your choice. You do not have to write if you do not want to. There is no right or wrong time to write. You should only write when you feel ready.
If you would like help, please speak to one of the transplant co-ordinators.
The donor’s family already know a little about you. They have been told your approximate age and your sex. They do not know your name or where you live.
Who can write?
Most letters are written by the person who received the kidney.
If you would rather not write yourself, a family member or close friend can write for you. They can also send a card.
There is no limit to how many people can write.
If you find writing difficult, a transplant co-ordinator can help you write your letter or card.
What can I write?
There is no right or wrong way to write your letter.
Most people:
- say thank you
- talk about how the transplant has helped them
- explain how life has changed for them and their family
For example, you may now:
- no longer need dialysis
- spend more time with family and friends
- go back to work
- enjoy your hobbies again
- travel more easily.
A short letter or a simple thank you card is enough. It does not matter how long it is.
To protect everyone’s privacy, please do not include:
- your last name
- your address or which area you live in
- the name of your hospital
- that your transplant took place in Leeds
What do I do with my letter?
Do not seal the envelope.
Please include a note with:
- your full name
- your date of birth
- the date of your transplant
Send your letter to the transplant co-ordiantors.
You can also bring it to your next clinic appointment.
The transplant co-ordiantors will read your letter first. This is to make sure it does not include any information that could identify you. They will then send it to NHS Blood and Transplant Family Care Department, who will forward it on to your donor’s family if they are happy to receive it.
Renal Transplant Co-ordinators
“Not hearing from any of the 12 recipients of Will’s organs for the first 16 months after his death was so upsetting. Everybody tells me it is because the organ recipients don’t know what to write or are worried they may upset us, but they all need to know that when you lose a loved one being ignored is the very worst thing. It is so important for us as bereaved parents to understand that Will’s generosity has been recognised and that he is thought about by the recipients and their families.”
Liz, donor mum (NHSBT 2018)
Will the donor’s family write back?
Every family is different.
Many families are thankful to receive a letter. Some families choose to write back and some do not.
If they do write to you, we will ask if you would like to receive their letter. If you are not ready, we can keep it safe until you are.
If your kidney came from an altruistic (living) donor
Some people receive a kidney from a living donor they have never met. This is called an altruistic donor.
These donors also like to receive a message of thanks. You can follow the same advice on this page.
Social Media
You may want to tell people about your transplant on social media.
Please remember that your donor’s family may still be grieving.
To help protect everyone’s privacy, please do not share:
- the date of your transplant
- the name of the hospital
- that your transplant took place in Leeds
- any information about your donor that may have been shared with you.
Please also ask your family and friends to be careful about what they share online.
If a newspaper, radio station or TV programme asks to talk to you, please speak to your transplant co-ordinator first. They can help you share your story safely and protect your privacy and the privacy of your donor’s family.
